The SEC in a Sentence

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Welcome back to the SEC in a Sentence, where we take to heart Inigo Montoya’s maxim, and apply it ti the wild world of Southeastern Conference football.

Let’s get started.

Alabama: The Crimson Tide team that trailed Kentucky in the first half is imminently bearable, but the Bama team that came out in the second half confirmed that you better get them while the getting is good.

Arkansas: Ryan Silverfield solved the problem of having his team worn out by a cross-country late night game against Utah by not bringing anyone on the trip who could actually play football.

Auburn: The Plainsmen went to 2-0 with a 43-8 win over Southern Miss, which is probably the same number of victories they will have in SEC play in Alex Golesh’s first season.

Florida: I would love to watch the Gators stumble, fall, and faceplant this weekend against Auburn, but I regret to inform you that Florida may actually be playing semi-competent football again.

Georgia: Kirby Smart’s starting 11 on both sides of the ball are as good as anyone’s, but it’s what’s behind those guys that currently has college football’s most avid control freak up at night.

Kentucky: Will Stein appears do be a pretty good football coach, but he isn’t a miracle worker.

LSU: At the beginning of the season I believed Sam Leavitt to be no better than the fourth best quarterback in the SEC and I’m getting a sneaky suspicion I may have overrated him.

Mississippi State: Like the protagonists of O’ Brother Where Art Thou? the Bulldogs got a belly full of gopher and are now headed toward certain disappointment, and by “disappointment” I obviously mean “Columbia, South Carolina.”

Missouri: Kansas may have won the PR skirmish, but the Tigers won the Border War.

Oklahoma: Thank goodness they weren’t playing Western Michigan.

Ole Miss: Does anyone get the feeling the Rebels have been looking forward to this weekend for awhile now?

South Carolina: I didn’t learn any more from watching South Carolina pound Towson State in a driving rain storm than I learned watching them beat up on Kent State in the sunshine.

Tennessee: Congratulations to the Vols for winning a game in Atlanta, since they’re probably still a couple of decades away from playing in an SEC title game there.

Texas: Brother, have you heard the good news of the Longhorns’ floppy-haired, silver spoon-fed Lord and Savior?

Texas A&M: Here’s the deal, we’re going to pretend that four touchdown victory over Arizona State was super-impressive then we’re all going to act really surprised when Kentucky gives the Aggies all they can handle this coming weekend, because it’s the socially acceptable way to handle things.

Vanderbilt: I’m just going to lay it out there in terms Vanderbilt fans will understand, if you’re an SEC football team that has to come back from a halftime deficit to beat the Delaware Blue Hens your sailboat has some leaks that will require more than a little fixing that can’t be accomplished mid-voyage.

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