New Year’s Eve Bowl Games: EWWWWWW

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FOR ALL THE SUN, CITRUS, AND COTTON! Mortgages and Vegas, too. Seems legit.

It’s Iowa-Vanderbilt and a wholesome, Devils-do-care Sun Bowl—then terrible storylines the rest of the night. Would you like previews and a place to talk about those games? HERE YOU GO!

ReliaQuest Bowl

#23 Iowa Hawkeyes vs. #14 Vanderbilt Commodores
11am | ESPN | Vandy -4.5 | O/U 45.5 | at Raymond James Stadium (Tampa, FL)

This will be delightful.

Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl

Arizona State Sun Devils vs. Duke Blue Devils
1pm | CBS | Duke -3.5 | O/U 47.5

No time to do this game justice, but I love the Sun Bowl—the fact that it’s one of the few (with the Holiday Bowl) that’s still out of ESPN’s grasp, the shots of El Paso with the sun over the mountains, the beautifully assy football that has given us one-score games in eight of its last ten iterations, and that’s not going back far enough to remember Oregon State beating Pitt 3 to fucking 0 in 2008:

Mike Riley! Dave Wannstedt! SEVEN STRAIGHT PUNTS! It’s so beautiful, and that Bois calls it “hell” is an affront to everything. But hey, corporate synergy and cross-promotion. I’m sure we will earn plaudits or thanks for being team players.

Cheez-It Citrus Bowl

#18 Michigan Wolverines vs. #13 Texas Longhorns
2pm | ABC | Texas -7 | O/U 48.5 | at Camping World Stadium (Orlando, FL)

Brian’s got your preview, and it’s wonderful:

This game features lots of annoying storylines and also a cooler of Cheez-Its being dumped on the winning coach. BUT ALSO THIS:

Ab-so-lute-ly would.

Las Vegas Bowl

Nebraska Cornhuskers vs. #15 Utah Utes
2:30pm | ESPN | Utah -14.5 | O/U 51.5 | at Allegiant Stadium (Las Vegas, NV)

This line did not get substantially better even after Utes coach Kyle Whittingham opted not to enjoy one swan song bowl game with his longtime employer but rather opted to jump right into the vipers’ den that is Michigan football. Emmett Johnson is sitting out for Nebraska, Dylan Raiola is obviously transferring, and the Utes have three big opt-outs—tackles Spencer Fano and Caleb Lomu as well as DE Logan Fano—but keep QB Devon Dampier for one last go-round as the Morgan Scalley era begins. That’s a sliver of light for a Huskers team that has been allergic to stopping the run, but…it ain’t much.

So, uh, best of luck to TJ Lateef and the Cornhuskers.

Cotton Bowl

#10 Miami Fluoride Hurricanes vs. #2 Ohio State Buckeyes
6:30pm | ESPN | OSU -9.5 | O/U 40.5 | at JerryWorld (Hell, Texas)

Frankly it’s odd to see a Big Ten team in the Cotton Bowl, and matched up against such a lowly-ranked team, but I suppose the BCS works in mysterious ways. Looking forward to seeing if Craig Krenzel can summon up that magic for the red and silver.

Here’s an open thread for the day. Remember: you get what you pay for, and [/checks back account] yeah, you haven’t done shit.

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