After ‘Married at First Sight,’ Shawn Best questions why Black masculinity can’t contain multitudes
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Best was one of the two Black couples on the show and from the beginning, viewers remarked on his looks and how he came off. Though fans questioned his sexuality, Best reiterated that he is not gay and believes Black men can be many things, not just tropes and stereotypes, especially when Black people express said tropes.
The conversation about how Black masculinity looks and feels has permeated culture for generations. Oftentimes, Black men vocalize how they want to be seen, how they want not always to seem “hard,” and how even fighting those stereotypes can begin even in early development. For Shawn Best, his appearance on “Married At First Sight” earlier this summer brought out both the best and the worst in the discussions surrounding the topic.
And he hopes it can change.
In a conversation with Jaz Lane, Best said that his appearance on the show, from the very outset, with his trial wife, Nikki Jefferson, sparked discourse around him. From Jefferson’s initial reaction upon seeing him at the altar (“Am I supposed to wait for my husband?”) to his voice, overall appearance and online reaction upon seeing someone he might consider his forever, not feeling excited to see him. When asked about the constant questions regarding his sexuality, Best pushed back.
“It’s really disappointing,” he said. “I’m not surprised by it, by other groups of people, but I’m disappointed that it’s our own group of people that have to have a monolithic view of what male masculinity is. It’s literally feeding into the same systemic oppression that has caused the narrative of how Black people should be in the world.”
He continued, “We have this narrative about how Black people should show up and how Black masculinity should be. ‘It should be loud, deep voice, toxic.’ It can’t be whimsical, it can’t be full of joy. It can’t be feelings or emotions or reactions. You have to be hypersexual or hyper egotistical. That’s all we have; we have no space for men’s feelings.”
Best reiterated that he’s never identified as gay or acted in a way that was consistent with someone who was gay. He also took offense at the idea that anyone could immediately view someone as gay, calling it “problematic” and that similar thoughts feed into the same narrative of not being “Black enough” due to one’s speech, appearance or fashion.
“It’s just this monotone lack of awareness of the dynamics of what the beauty of Black men can be in this world,” Best stated, before adding, “I can understand the discourse from a group that is not ours, but from within our group? It feels very disappointing that we are doing the same thing that others have done to our population for some years.”
In the weeks following the end of season 20 of the hit dating series, Best revealed that he left his position as vice president of diversity, equity and inclusion at Olympic College due to comments he had made on the show with trial wife Nikki Jefferson. Best would later apologize for his remarks on Instagram, but later deleted them.
Best’s presentation on “MAFS” showed that although he wasn’t right for Jefferson in matrimony, it offered a slice of an older Black man who carries himself in a manner true to him. The defense of his individuality, much less his masculinity, adds to the parasocial relationship some viewers have with reality TV and social media these days.
In a small way, Best became an avatar for how many view others who act similarly yet maintain their masculinity. And through the lens of television, few get the chance to show the full range of who they are. For what “MAFS” did show him, Best says it showed him who he is and how he can grow.
“Not only did I learn so much about the type of person that I want to become and see in the mirror the person that I was and how I could improve, but I also think it led me to using community, partnership, mentorship,” he told KIRO NewsRadio on Monday. “I’m part of some amazing men’s groups, some amazing community groups, still part of a lot of nonprofits, and supporting the community where I live.”