‘Every day is a challenge’: Nolan Wells’ father on the quiet grief of losing a son while trying to stay strong for his family
TheGrio...
Elmore Wonsley reveals he revisits old texts with his son, Nolan Wells, as the family copes with the loss of a child and sibling.
Since the world learned about the case of 18-year-old Nolan Wells, whose body was found on Horn Island, Mississippi, following a July 4th boat day, his parents, Christine and Elmore Wonsley, have been adopted by Black communities across the country as they seek justice for the late teen whose death remains a mystery.
In the weeks that followed his body’s discovery, the Wonsleys have been open about their grief and pursuit to uncover the truth about what happened to their son.
“I would hope anyone, if their loved one, if this type of tragedy or if they, you know, whatever, I would hope they would fight,” Christine previously told theGrio in an exclusive interview.
“I would hope they would fight like hell to find out what happened. And if something did happen, who did it? You know, for justice purposes. I don’t get why a lot of people are so upset with us asking the questions, because God forbid if you were in the situation. I would hope that, you know, you would too.”
Having garnered national attention, the parents’ fight for justice has also come with waves of criticism, especially targeting Nolan’s mother. While Christine has been open about talking about her grief on social media, her husband, Elmore, has been quietly carrying the grief of losing a son, a reality he shared with Pastor Jamal Bryant on the “Let’s Be Clear” podcast.
“Every day is a challenge for me, knowing that, you know, my son is not here,” Nolan’s father shared. “I go through old text messages, old videos, just memories of the last day that I spoke to him, and I just break.”
He continued: “But at the same time, I do that in my own personal space. Because I know I have to be that person to be strong for her and my family. So I’m working like a two-sided sword in a sense, and I’m trying my best to keep it as level as possible.”
In addition to their faith and community, the grieving family has found strength in each other. Before sharing his reflections, Elmore was intentional about thanking his wife, who he said has kept him “grounded.” At the height of the discovery and the beginning of what has now turned into a month-long independent and state investigation, Christine recalls her family navigating waves of emotions, especially anger.
“I know early on when there was so much anger and emotions were high. I literally was like, ‘If you allow that anger to consume you and if you act out irrationally, even for a moment, because we’re hurting so bad, I was like, I can’t do this by myself. I can’t lay our child to rest, still wear the hats we have to wear as adults and parents,” she shared.
And beyond keeping Nolan’s legacy alive publicly, privately, they still have to show up every day for the late teen’s siblings, who they have intentionally protected from the spotlight they’ve found themselves under since the teen’s mysterious passing.
“Our goal is to always protect them,” she explained. “Even though three of them are adults, we still try to provide that protection. They try to stay away from social media. One of our kiddos is in therapy. The oldest is in therapy and kind of just dealing with those emotions because again they lost a brother. That was their friend. That was the person who kept some of their secrets.”
As his younger siblings prepare to go back to school Elmore explained that one of his sons has unlocked a different level of focus in his sports, in effort to make Nolan proud. The parents also discussed the importance of sporadically asking questions like “How are you feeling? Is there something we can do? Is there something we can get for you?”
“Sometimes simply just asking, ‘Are you okay?’ or ‘How are you feeling?’ because children at that age, they can’t always fully express themselves verbally on what they’re feeling. So asking what can we do for you sometimes is a little bit better because that gives them an outlet,” Christine noted.
Through all the online discourse, speculations, reports, etc., the Wonsleys have found comfort in the community.
“With all the negativity online. I think when we go out, and people see us, and we see the support, it overshadows the negativity,” Elmore explained. “We’re getting support and love from people all over the country who recognize us, walk up to us, give us their support, give us their love. And we appreciate that so much because we know that if they’re in tune with us that much, they’re taking that same energy home to their family, displaying that love to their children, and having those conversations.”
“We appreciate it because too that helps strengthen us. It helps to make sure we know that no matter what this outside noise is saying, the focus is what happened to Nolan,” Christine added.