Isaiah Russell-Bailey says he’s not close to his father, Chingy. Why is the internet trying so hard to discredit that?
TheGrio...
Mixed reactions to Isaiah Russell-Bailey’s letter to his father Chingy raises a bigger question about why we’re so quick to doubt children.
Social media has apparently decided it knows more about Isaiah Russell-Bailey’s childhood than Isaiah Russell-Bailey does.
This month, social media learned that “Family Reunion” actor Isaiah Russell-Bailey is actually rapper Chingy’s biological son. After the “Right Thurr” rapper revealed the connection on Jason Lee’s eponymous show, Russell-Bailey took it upon himself to share a photo with his mom on social media that many users took as a shady clapback to his father’s announcement. While some social media users saw no harm in the rapper’s comments on the show, social media erupted in response after the actor released an open letter addressing the discourse.
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And almost immediately timelines were divided with some social media users trying to question whether or not the actor wrote the statement, the appropriateness of him posting it, etc. And through all the chatter, one question kept resurfacing for me: Why don’t we listen to kids in these situations? Why are social media users trying to discredit the feelings of this 19-year-old young man who, up until recently, never discussed or disclosed who his father was while building his career as an actor?
In his statement, Isaiah writes: “You cannot rewrite years of absence, neglect, or lack of involvement with a few paragraphs about love, support, and being there for your child.
I know what my childhood and my relationship with my father actually looked like.
I know who was present and who wasn’t. I know who supported me and who didn’t.”
“The claims about my mother are completely false. She did not manipulate me into disliking my father. A parent doesn’t have to turn a child against someone who was already absent,” he continued. “My feelings are my own, and they come from my own experiences.”
The young actor’s words appear to be in response to Chingy’s social media comments in which he claimed that Isaiah’s mother, Brittany Perry-Russell, was manipulating the young actor for checks.
His sentiments point to a pattern that can sometimes arise in families and within Black communities. Whenever a child opens up about a strained relationship with a parent, there is a tendency to place the onus on the child to “fix it.” This showed up when T.I.’s daughter Deyjah opened up about her strained relationship with the rapper, when Romeo publicly addressed his frustrations with his father, Master P, and even in the mixed reaction to Trinity Rodman opening up about her estranged relationship with her father, basketball star Dennis Rodman.
“But that’s your father/mother.”
“You only get one parent.”
While those statements are true, it is also true that children are human and, just like everyone else, they observe patterns and internalize how certain moments and behaviors make them feel, which often informs their interpersonal relationships. And yet, somehow, whenever these instances happen, there are waves of people who try to discredit the child’s experience.
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Now, while this discourse is certainly amplified by both the father’s and the son’s celebrity, the patterns in the discourse point to what often happens in everyday families. I know firsthand how difficult it is to navigate a strained relationship with a parent and face the scrutiny and judgment of family members and friends who believe that because of their dynamic with this individual, they can speak to how they are as a parent, despite not being there for the day-to-day. When a child spends years looking for an absent parent to show up, and they continuously fail to do so, it’s often too late to try and mend that relationship when they get older. It’s an experience many can relate to, thus explaining why so many social media users applauded the “Family Reunion” actor for speaking out, because oftentimes it can seem easier to be silent than have to open up the wounds from the past in an attempt to defend why you may or may not talk to a parent.
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Ultimately, amid all the noise and opinions, this is a reminder to honor young people’s feelings and emotions—something Chingy did, himself, in a statement shared with The Shade Room in response to his son’s open letter.
“Isaiah is my son. I love him…He has every right to talk about how he experienced his childhood. If he feels hurt, disappointed, or believes I wasn’t there enough, I’m not going to tell him those feelings aren’t real. As his father, I need to listen even when what he says is difficult for me to hear,” the rapper told the outlet. “I also know the efforts I made to communicate, connect, and be part of his life. There were private conversations, obstacles, and complicated family circumstances that the public did not see. I will not discuss those details publicly or use them to blame his mother. That would not help heal the relationship between my son and me.”
He continued: “I understand that financial support does not replace a father’s presence. However, I contributed more than $200,000 in child support and made sincere efforts to maintain a relationship with him. The suggestion that I did not care, contribute or try to be involved does not reflect the truth. I can know that I tried while Isaiah can still feel that he needed more from me. Both can be true. My intentions do not erase his experience, and his pain does not erase the love I have always had for him. There may have been times when he needed more from me than he felt he received. I’m willing to listen, take responsibility for my part, and have an honest conversation with him.”
So, maybe we don’t have to decide who was right or wrong to acknowledge that something can be true for one person and still feel completely different to another. What matters is that Isaiah should not have to convince the world that his childhood experience is valid. And as a culture that is so quick to tell children to put family first and above all, perhaps we should also teach them that their feelings and experiences are allowed to be part of that family story, too.