Seedy K’s Peerless Pigskin Prognostications: Week 0
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Long ago, far away, before the dawn of time, I dwelled and did dwell well at the Louisville Eccentric Observer. There was a column, known far and wide as “Rumor & Innuendo.” It is from that weekly feature that the bastardization of my initials morphed into my nom de plume.
The main attraction of that endeavor was the quoted musings of one Howard Schnellenberger. I am still asked about “SchnellSpeak of the Week” to this day.
To honor that legacy, I commence today a weekly Pigskin Prognostications feature of what is immediately nothing less than A Tradition Like One Other.
CoachSpeak of the Week: After a fire at an Auburn football dorm which burned 20 books, the Sultan of Snark, Steve Spurrier said, “The real tragedy was that fifteen hadn’t been colored yet.”
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Our long national wait is over, behind us, yesterday’s Instagram, kaputzki.
It’s game week on the gridiron. Week Nil, or NIL, your choice.
Such is your expert predictor’s readiness, he advises, in the third person, he’s predictioneering in advance the winners of every game of a week more than zero.
All eight of them.
Before diving in, one reminder of last season’s results. Through the regular season and championship week, my record read 59 up, 31 down. Got two of every three correct.
Here are this week’s winners starting with some maximum craic in the Emerald Isle:
North Carolina vs. Texas Christian (Dublin). The Tar Heels are almost too easy to dislike. Belichick with his testiness. OC Petrino. That whole Lombardi shake up. BB’s first team in Chapel Hill was astoundingly bad. In all facets of the game, as they say. TCU is coming off consecutive 9 W seasons. Coach Sonny Dykes is not satisfied. Even with an OT victory over USC last year at the Alamo (Bowl). The Horned Frogs are a legit contender for B12 title and CFP spot. With a former Harvard QB no less. In last year’s opener they throttled Carolina by five TDs. It may be a smidge closer this year, but they still prevail. TCU.
San Jose State @ Southern California. Lincoln Riley’s four year tenure has been a roller coaster ride at this tony LA private school where football really really really matters. A bit of bounce back last year. But. Not. Enough. So there’s a new OC, though LR will still call the plays. And a new DC who should make a difference, Gary Patterson. This is the first of four Trojan walkovers (Other three are Fresno St., Louisiana, Rutgers) before it’s league foes Oregon and Washington on consecutive weekends. (Insert midwestern Big Ten joke here.) USC.
North Carolina State @ Virginia. It is an ACC game, so of course we’ll pay attention. But viewing won’t be quite as enjoyable as it would have been were the game still in Brazil as originally scheduled. Cutaway shots before commercials of tall and tan and young and lovely girls strolling along Ipanema Beach. Visitors at Monticello, uh, not quite the same. The Cavaliers played and won a lot of close ones to go 11-3 last year. They are the oldest team in America, but at some point Lady Luck moves on to the other sideline. The Wolfpack are an ACC sleeper. Not so much after this upset. NC State.
Jacksonville State at North Dakota State. Welcome to the Big Time, Fargo. The Bison are DI (or whatever it’s called these days). The winners of 10 of the last 15 FCS crowns now reside in the G6 Mountain West. Is retired cop Marge Gunderson is head of security in the FargoDome? You’re darn tootin’. Jax State made that upward move a couple years ago. The last time the schools met it was in ’16 for that FCS title. Visiting Gamecocks end up in the wood chipper. ND State.
Sacramento State @ Eastern Michigan. This will be Sac State’s first game ever in the upper division. With a new HC, Alonzo Carter, but a FCS roster. The learning curve shall be steep. The home standing Eagles are no power coming off back to back to back losing seasons. But my man The Real Phil Steele says the Eagles are his seventh most improved team in the land. That’s good enough for me. Eastern Michigan.
Hawai’i @ Stanford. Former star QB Tommy Chang (17,702 passing yards) has been HC since ’22. His teams have gotten better every year. 3-10 > 5-8 > 5-7 > 9-4. Last season, they didn’t lose a soul in the TP. Imagine my surprise. North Shore. Pipeline. It is paradise. (Except for hurricanes.) They bested The Cardinal in last campaign’s opener, but that was at home. Stanford has taken a similar tack to resurrect their flailing program. Sorta. Former star Andrew Luck is GM. To little effect, their upset of Louisville in ’24 notwithstanding. New HC Tavita Pritchard also called signals in Silicon Valley. Home team is favored. Not gonna happen. Rainbow Warriors.
New Mexico State @ Florida State. By all accounts, Mike Norvell sits in the hottest chair in the Dead Man Walking waiting room. From a 13-0 ACC title in ’23 to a playoff slight to a narrow 3-63 L in the Orange Bowl to 2-10 to 5-7 to this season when fans are already stockpiling For Sale signs to festoon the coach’s lawn with just as soon as his Seminoles are battered by SMU and Bama in their next two after this opener. Anything significantly less than a four TD triumph in this one over the hapless Aggies, and it might come sooner. Norvell survives to face a stampede of Mustangs next week. Zillow Alert. Florida State.
Memphis State @ Nevada Las Vegas. This battle is arguably the “most important” encounter of the weekend. A G6 team will make the CFP. The Tigers and Runnin’ Rebels are both legit pre-campaign contenders for the spot. Remember that whole Miami/ Notre Dame Tuesday night soap opera last season? This is as close as it gets to Must Win before September 1. The whole tiebreaker thing. Former Big Time coach Dan Mullen is still in charge in Sin City. State’s HC is Charles Huff. Third school in 3 years. Marshall > Southern Miss > Memphis State. A sense of continuity prevails. UNLV with former Boomer Sooner future great Jackson Arnold calling signals.
— c d kaplan
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