The SEC in a Sentence: Magnolia State Magic Edition

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Welcome to the SEC in a sentence, in which we attempt to distill yet another wild and crazy weekend of SEC football into, but a single sentence for each of the leagues 16 combatants. It was another wild one, perhaps wilder that some teams (lookin’ at you, Aggieland) would have preferred. But that’s why we say it just means more, right?

Alabama: Continue to play with their food in the first half, which as a few Kirby Smart teams will confirm is a lot of fun until the food refuses to lay down on the plate after halftime.

Arkansas: Rutgers football fans love hanging out with Arkansas fans because it makes them feel smart and optimistic.

Auburn: Found out that the outer limits of the Alex Giles’s rebuild may not extend as far as a win over Baylor would lead one to believe, as we’ve been saying for the past two weeks.

Florida: I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but the winner of Florida/Ole Miss this weekend may have a solid two game cushion in the race for a playoff spot and you better be in your knees praying that isn’t the Gators, because they’ll be insufferable for five weeks until we teach them better.

Georgia: Mike Bobo’s hobbies as he slides gracefully into middle age have become wood working, fishing, and spending an entire game diligently setting up a garbage time play action pass against a 24 point underdog.

Kentucky: Hey Coach Stein, how was your weekend?

LSU: Lane Kiffin is now the opposite of that old Bum Phillips quote about Bear Bryant: he take take his and lose to yours or take yours and lose to his.

Ole Miss: That win was more satisfying than slipping on a well-worn pair of Martin Donnan bit loafers, which any Ole Miss fan will tell you is just like Heaven.

Oklahoma: I sort of wish the Sooners hadn’t won a rock fight against the New Mexico Lobos because the last thing I want to face is a Brent Venables defense that’s been brushing up on its rock fighting.

Mississippi State: I would appreciate it if one of you would show me where the glass is that I’m supposed to break in case of “playoff contender Mississippi State” because to be honest that’s information I never thought I’d need to use.

Missouri: Took a week off before traveling to Starkville, which alarmingly no longer looks like a week off in its own right.

South Carolina: The Gamecocks haven’t fired Shane Beamer but that doesn’t mean he won’t keep trying.

Tennessee: Built on their 45-24 win over Georgia Tech by polishing off the Jackets’’ larger, more successful Atlanta area rival Kennesaw State, and yes as a matter of fact when I say “successful” I am referring strictly to the field of CBD/Kratom marketing.

Texas: Survived the chance to let Ohio State beat them a week later, but don’t worry, there’s still plenty of time for Arch to do some Arch things against a team with a real pass rush.

Texas A&M: Did precisely the thing they hired Mike Elko to stop them from doing.

Vanderbilt: Got the highest grade in remedial basketball weaving because unlike NC State they remembered to write their names on the paper, even if they did misspell it.

Have your own one sentence summation of an SEC team’s current situation? We’d love to see those in the comments.
Until later…

Go ‘Dawgs!!!

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