This Black woman says she was abandoned during a hike — she’s not alone in experiencing an ‘alpine divorce’
TheGrio...
After a TikToker went viral for sharing her experience with an alpine divorce, others who have experienced the same are speaking up.
As summer settles in, many of us are getting back outside. For some, that means lounging by the pool. For others, it means firing up the Black pickleball group chat. And for another set, it means hitting some of the most beautiful trails nature has to offer. But for some women, however, those scenic outings have become the backdrop to a realization that a relationship may not be what they thought it was.
A TikTok user, @everafteriya, based in Nevada, recently went viral after she shared a video captioned “the worst Saturday of my life” detailing how a date abandoned her during a hike in the North McCullough Wilderness.
@everafteriya #venting ♬ levitation – Aaron Hibell & Felsmann + Tiley
In footage featuring the text overlay “pov: you go on a hike with him in the mountains and he leaves you alone by yourself and you realize he never liked you to begin with,” Iya documents her emotional trek back down the mountain.
“He left me by myself, I should have never come with him,” she sobs in footage that shows her stumbling alone through boulders. “I should have never come. I could have been home peaceful.”
In a follow-up video, Iya explained that her date suggested they race other hikers to the mountain’s peak before taking off without her. She found herself completely alone on steep, rocky terrain with a dead phone and no water. At that point, she said she turned on her Ray-Ban glasses to record the experience in part so she would never forget the moment. She eventually found her way down the mountain safely and reunited with him, only to encounter very little empathy.
@everafteriya Replying to @ItHadToBeShakiya this is how I went from hiking with someone I liked to being completely alone #venting ♬ original sound – iya
Another TikTok user, @thespicypisces444, based in the United Kingdom, shared a similar story. In a video titled “PSA ladies never go hiking with a man,” she explains that she became stranded and lost her bearings on a trail.
“Pro tip, never go hiking with a man. He basically just stranded me,” she says.
In the caption, she notes that she eventually found her car but doubled down on her larger public service announcement.
Unfortunately, they have company.
These women are among hundreds of people who have experienced what’s been dubbed an “alpine divorce.” The term describes breakups or relationship reckonings sparked by experiences in nature. That camping trip where he goes nonverbal for 30 minutes while setting up the tent or that whitewater rafting excursion where you realize his inability to empathize with the distress of your hair getting wet is a major red flag—it all counts.
According to Outside magazine, the term largely stems from a 1893 satirical short story in which a husband plots to push his wife off a cliff during a hike. During the trek, however, the wife reveals that she framed him for murder before jumping from the summit herself. More than a century later, as more people share stories of being abandoned outdoors, the phrase has taken on a more modern meaning.
In some cases, the abandonment appears less deliberate and stems from differing hiking speeds, fitness levels, or climbing abilities. Even then, outdoor enthusiasts, relationship experts, and hikers alike have argued that completely ditching someone in a remote wilderness setting because of factors outside their control is both rude and potentially dangerous. A man in Austria is facing manslaughter chargers after leaving his girlfriend behind on a hike who froze to death.
The New York Times did not mince words with its recent headline: “If he leaves you on a mountain, end the relationship.”
Some experts argue that the phrase itself actually minimizes behavior that can be far more serious than a simple relationship incompatibility.
“‘Alpine divorce’ is doing the same cultural work as ‘domestic dispute,’” Dr. Kathy McMahon told Parade. “It takes something that is, in the worst cases, manslaughter (and in nearly all cases, abuse) and makes it sound like a relationship incompatibility. A divorce implies mutual dissolution. What we’re actually describing is one person weaponizing the other’s vulnerability.”
Meanwhile, Dr. Bruce Lee, writing in Psychology Today, suggests that abandoning someone in a vulnerable state in the wilderness demonstrates a lack of empathy and possibly a lack of emotional control.
“They can let their anger, disdain, or some other negative emotion override their common sense and courtesy—leading to impulsive decision-making,” he explained. However, he noted that when a lack of emotional control drives the behavior, the person will often eventually express regret once the emotional fog lifts.
While there isn’t one single answer for why this happens, reporting from The Guardian raised an interesting point: many women who shared their stories described relying on male partners to lead or navigate outdoor adventures.
That reality brings to mind the growing number of outdoor groups, including Outdoor Afro and Black Girls Hike, that encourage Black people and women to build confidence in nature alongside experienced hikers and their community. In other words, don’t let that romantic hike be the first time you venture into the woods.
“I think hiking groups are a good way to get started,” Asia Bright, founder of Black Girls Hike, previously told theGrio. “Because you have a group of people that you can be with, you’re not alone. Most of the times, hiking groups have a hike lead and they are familiar with the space.”
She added, “But if someone is a novice and wants to go hiking by themselves, I definitely recommend just research. Everything is on the internet. We have hiking apps that lay out trails. They lay out difficulties, they mark inclines and landmarks so they make it fairly accessible for anyone who would like to come out. If you don’t want to join a group, maybe hike with your dog, hike with a friend, hike with your kid.”
Naima Smith, a certified personal trainer and certified health and wellness coach, in a video on TikTok responding to the phenomenon, gave some advice on how to prevent this further.
@matriarchalmindset Has this ever happened to you? #alpinedivorce #matriarchy #womenshealth #feminist #femalerage ♬ original sound – ✨MatriarchalMindset✨
“I’m not victim-blaming,” Smith said before adding, “But I will give you advice on how to make sure that that never happens to you.”
Her first piece of advice: never blindly trust a man, or anyone, to lead an outdoor adventure. She recalled allowing an ex to plan a hike without researching it herself. The outing ended badly, leaving her with a sprained ankle. Similar to Bright’s advice, Smith recommends researching trails independently and preparing as if you’ll need to guide yourself.
Smith also suggested getting physically stronger. Hiking requires significant endurance, and strengthening muscles while improving stamina through regular walking can make outdoor adventures more enjoyable while serving as a worthwhile long-term investment in your health.
Finally, she recommends only agreeing to hikes if they genuinely interest you, particularly if your partner expects you to participate in activities they enjoy.
Since going viral, Iya has not appeared to share any major updates or interviews. She did not respond to theGrio’s request for comment. However, she recently posted a video featuring the text overlay “if you found me from my alpine divorce story, here’s what I really love,” accompanied by a montage of her work as a wedding and engagement photographer and other parts of her life beyond the viral moment.