Week 12 College Football Schedule: Don’t Watch This; Watch That
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On dumb octagonal pits in community parks. Plus, what UConn has in common with Indiana, Ohio State, and Texas A&M.
It’s me, reaching the point of middle age where I care about and get annoyed by the things that are in my community park. One of those things is this:
This is gaga ball, a stupid game that I refuse to believe children are actually playing.
From the Hebrew for “touch touch”, gaga ball is a dumb summer camp game that’s basically self-contained dodgeball. Apparently there’s a Bob’s Burgers episode about it, so maybe I’m behind the times.
Game starts with all the players inside, touching the wall with their hands. One player or someone outside throws a rubber dodgeball up in the air, letting it bounce three times: on the first bounce, you yell “Ga”. On the second, “Ga”. On the third, “ball!” From there, players run in, trying to punch or hit the ball at each other with the goal of hitting other players, dodgeball-style. If you get hit, you’re out. If you catch a batted ball in the air, the player who hit it at you is out.
There are more rules than that. That’s not the point.
Why are these popping up everywhere in suburban Minnesota parks? No one actually appears to play these games—who is convincing schools that this is a good idea? Why are public parks signing up for this? Is this some Paul Scheer-led, KABOOM!-esque project?
I ask because this column GETS RESULTS, gang. Remember when, last weeek, I complained that the Minnesota Department of Transportation had not yet opened the I-394 express lane?
GUESS WHAT.
You’re welcome, Minnesota.
Friday Evening
Don’t Watch This
Watch That
South Carolina State Bulldogs at NC Central Eagles
4:30pm | ESPN2 | NCCU -7.5 | O/U 55.5
Clemson Tigers at #20 Lhvl Crdnls
6:30pm | ESPN | Lhvl -2.5 | O/U 51.5
Minnesota Golden Gophers at #8 Oregon Ducks
8pm | FOX | UO -26.5 | O/U 44.5
Where have all the good Thursday night games gone? Did I hallucinate them?
Anyway. Normally this would just be a “watch the Big Ten game, otherwise pretend it’s not happening” kind of time slot…but you kind of get the sense that everyone in the ACC—not named Florida State, obviously—is lining up for their chance to beat up on Dabo Swinney and Clemson. Right?
Brohm and the Cardinals already put in a two-score drubbing of the Tigers last year. Let’s see if they can run it back at home.
South Carolina State (3-0 MEAC) at NC Central (2-1 MEAC) is a de facto play-in game to a MEAC title game between the Bulldogs and the DeSean Jackson-led Delaware State Hornets (3-0) on November 22, the last week of the season. NC Central winning would throw it wide-open, because South Carolina State will be favored over the Hornets—who I’m assuming beat Howard this week—in the season finale, and that’d give us a three-way tie at 4-1 for the conference. HBCU INTRIGUE.
Also, I’m just tired of PJ Fleck and Minnesota. Kudos to you, Gophers—you’re succeeding athleticallyacademicallyspirituallysocially. Enjoy 7-5 or 8-4 or whatever. You’re Northwestern with a megachurch coach. People would rather watch a biopic of JJ McCarthy’s alter-ego “Nine” than another reason of your shit.
Saturday Morning
Don’t Watch This
#18 Michigan Wolverines (-11.5, O/U 41.5) at Northwestern Wildcats [11am, FOX]
wisconsin badgers at #2 Indiana Hoosiers (-29.5, O/U 44.5) [11am, BTN]
South Carolina Gamecocks at #3 Texas A&M Aggies (-18.5, O/U 49.5) [11am, ESPN]
#9 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-12.5, O/U 54.5) at #22 Pittsburgh Panthers [11am, ABC]
#24 South Florida Brahman Bulls (-10, O/U 62.5) at Navy Midshipmen [11am, ESPN2]
Eastern Michigan Eagles (-2.5, O/U 49.5) at Balls Tate Robotbirds [11am, ESPN+]
Kansas State Wildcats (-19.5, O/U 50.5) at Oklahoma State Cowboys [11am, ESPNU]
UTSA Roadrunners (-17.5, O/U 58.5) at Charlotte 49ers [11am, ESPN+]
Arkansas Razorbacks at LSU Tigers (-5.5, O/U 57.5) [11:45am, SECN]
West Virginia Mountaineers at Arizona State Sun Devils (-11.5, O/U 47.5) [12pm, TNT]
#17 South Dakota Coyotes at #21 Southern Illinois Salukis [12pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
Arizona Wildcats at #25 Cincinnati Bearcats
11am | FS1 | Cincy -6 | O/U 56.5
Air Force Falcons at UConn Huskies
11am | CBSSN | UConn -7.5 | O/U 63.5
Look, you’ll watch Michigan-Northwestern. You shouldn’t but you’ll watch it.
You’re an idiot.
To prove it? What—other than that they haven’t been in your kitchen—do Indiana, Ohio State, Texas A&M, and UConn have in common?
Go ahead.
I’ll wait.
The Huskies and Jim Mora Jr. are at it again, man, and I remain in awe that they’re doing it. Playing an East Coast independent schedule, the Huskies opened with a romp over FCS Central Connecticut and back-to-back overtime losses to Syracuse and Delaware. Not ideal.
Since then, they’ve ripped off six of seven, only losing to Rice(!) in double overtime(!!).
That’s right: UConn has not lost in regulation in 2025, joining only the top 3 teams in the country in that distinction.
Anyway, while those two games could be pretty decent and deserve your attention, I’d like to make sure you’re aware of some other college footballing excellence taking place this weekend…
Oh, my.
Oregon State Beavers (2-8) at Tulsa Golden Hurricane (2-8)
12pm | ESPN+ | OSU -2.5 | O/U 50.5
Ohhh, my.
Alvernia Golden Wolves (0-9) at Fairleigh Dickinson-Florham Devils (0-9)
11am | GoMAC
Ohhh, my.
Thomas More Saints (0-10) at Kentucky Wesleyan Panthers (0-10)
12pm | FloCollege ($)
Now THAT is some goddamn football. I’m looking for this kind of energy out of the KWC announcers again this weekend. They can TASTE the win.
Saturday Afternoon
Don’t Watch This
#5 Tennessee Tech Golden Iggles at Kentucky Wildcats (-24.5, O/U 52.5) [12:30pm, SECN+]
North Texas Mean Green (-17.5, O/U 69.5) at UAB Blazers [1pm, ESPN+]
Marshall Thundering Herd (-7.5, O/U 61.5) at Georgia State Panthers [1pm, ESPN+]
Colorado State Rams at New Mexico Lobos (-14.5, O/U 53.5) [2pm, MWN]
UTEP Miners at Missouri State Bears (-4.5, O/U 48.5) [2pm, ESPN+]
#14 Illinois State Redbirds at #16 South Dakota State Jackrabbits [2pm, ESPN+]
UCF Citronauts at #6 Texas Tech Red Raiders (-23.5, O/U 48.5) [2:30pm, FOX]
#11 Oklahoma Sooners at #4 Alabama Crimson Tide (-5.5, O/U 45.5) [2:30pm, ABC]
NC State Wolfpack at #15 Miami Fluoride Hurricanes (-15.5, O/U 55.5) [2:30pm, ESPN]
#16 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (-16.5, O/U 60.5) [2:30pm, ACCN]
#19 Virginia Cavaliers at Duke Blue Devils (-4.5, O/U 58.5) [2:30pm, ESPN2]
Appalachian State Mountaineers at James Madison Dukes (-21, O/U 52.5) [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Maryland Terrapins at Illinois Fighting Illini (-15.5, O/U 51.5) [2:30pm, FS1]
South Alabama Lions (-4.5, O/U 49.5) at UL Monroe Warhawks [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Penn State Nittany Lions (-7, O/U 49.5) at Michigan State Spartans [2:30pm, CBS]
San Jose State Spartans (-9.5, O/U 49.5) at Nevada Wolf Pack [2:30pm, CBSSN]
MTSU Blue Raiders at WKU Hilltoppers (-13.5, O/U 54.5) [2:30pm, ESPN+] — 100 MILES OF HATE
FAU Owls at Tulane Green Wave (-17.5, O/U 62.5) [3pm, ESPN+]
New Mexico State Aggies at #23 Tennessee Volunteers (-39.5, O/U 60.5) [3:15pm, SECN]
FIU Sunblazers (+2.5, O/U 51.5) [4pm, ESPN+]
#19 Lamar Cardinals at #15 Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks [4pm, ESPN+]
Disgusting
North Carolina Tar Heels at Wake Forest Demon Deacons
3:30pm | The CW | Wake -6 | O/U 38.5
Watch That
#15 DePauw Tigers at #24 Wabash Little Giants
12:07pm | WCVN | BATTLE FOR THE MONON BELL
#21 Iowa Hawkeyes at #17 USC Trojans
2:30pm | BTN | USC -6.5 | O/U 48.5
Texas State Bobcats at Southern Miss Golden Iggles
2:30pm | ESPN+ | USM -3 | O/U 65.5
Memphis Tigers at East Carolina Pirates
3pm | ESPNU | ECU -3 | O/U 58.5
Shoutout to all the interim coaches in the world. May you approach your positions with Jameis Winston energy:
Saturday Evening
Don’t Watch This
Coastal Carolina Chanticleers at Georgia Southern Eagles (-3.5, O/U 60.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
Florida Gators at #7 Ole Miss Rebels (-11.5, O/U 53.5) [6pm, ESPN]
#13 Utah Utes (-8.5, O/U 60.5) at Baylor Bears [6pm, ESPN2]
Delaware Blue Hens (-9.5, O/U 56.5) at Sam Houston Bearkats [6pm, ESPN+]
Purdue Boilermakers at Washington Huskies (-16.5, O/U 51.5) [6pm, FS1]
UCLA Bruins at #1 Ohio State Buckeyes (-31.5, O/U 47.5) [6:30pm, NBC]
#10 Texas Longhorns at #5 Georgia Bulldogs (-6.5, O/U 49.5) [6:30pm, ABC]
Virginia Tech Hokies at Florida State Seminoles (-14, O/U 55) [6:30pm, ACCN]
Mississippi State Bulldogs at Missouri Tigers (-7, O/U 51.5) [6:45pm, SECN]
Watch That
Utah State Aggies at UNLV Rebels
6pm | CBSSN | UNLV -6 | O/U 68.5
Kennesaw State Mighty Owls at Jacksonville State Gamecocks
7pm | ESPNU | Kennesaw -3 | O/U 55.5
One of the disappointing parts of the post-AI world of SBNation is not just the death of gamethreads—thankfully, those exist elsewhere—it’s the lack of engagement with Tuesday Night MACtion. Because y’all are missing THIS:
It’s late and I’m drunk…
Don’t Watch This
Idaho Vandals at Sacramento State Hornets (-5.5, O/U 59.5) [8pm, ESPN+]
Louisiana Tech Bulldogs at Washington State Cougars (-8.5, O/U 43.5) [9pm, The CW]
#9 UC Davis Aggies at #3 Montana State Bobcats (-11.5, O/U 58.5) [9:30pm, ESPN2]
Watch That
TCU Horned Frogs at #12 BYU Cougars
9:15pm | ESPN | BYU -3.5 | O/U 51
Wyoming Cowboys at Fresno State Bulldogs
9:30pm | FS1 | Fresno -3.5 | O/U 40.5
Boise State Broncos at San Diego State Aztecs
9:30pm | CBSSN | SDSU -2.5 | O/U 41.5
I could see any of these games being excellent. But it’s my job to tell you what to watch, and what not to watch.
Boise-San Diego State is likely a ticket to the Mountain West Championship Game—it’s Hawai’i at 4-2 and then UNLV, Fresno, New Mexico, and Utah State at 3-2—and with Fresno playing to move into a tie for second place, there’s nothing quite like a date with Wyoming to throw a wrench in your plans.
Now that Texas Tech exposed BYU, can piss-and-vinegar Sonny Dykes compound the Cougars’ misery? TCU’s been pulling the high-wire act all year and has made it to bowl-eligiblity at 6-3 with a series of one-score games. But with Houston and Cincinnati left, the Frogs need to start stacking wins.
We’ll see if they can do it against BYU, who pulled out back-to-back escapes against Arizona and Utah and have Cincinnati left on the schedule. The Big XII is about to shoot itself ALL over the foot, and I for one can’t wait to watch it.
If there were those kinds of stakes in the rest, I’d be more intrigued. But Montana State should pound Davis en route to a continued Top 3 ranking in FCS. Ho hum.
MNW’s Lightly Plagiarized Trivia
- The French literature professor Humbert Humbert victimizes the 12-year-old Dolores Haze in what 1955 novel written by Vladimir Nabokov?
- William Jennings Bryan promised delegates at the 1896 Democratic National Convention that they should not press down upon the brow of labor a crown of thorns, nor should they crucify mankind upon…what?
- Blinky, Inky, Pinky, and Clyde are collectively known as whom?
- What 66-mile break of swampy marshland in Panama and Colombia divides the northern and southern sections of the Pan-American Highway?
- Leaves change color because of a breakdown in what molecule?
Enjoy the games, everybody. Let’s drive it like we stole it.
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